The capacity to make links between disparate parts, to see connections, patterns and thereby gain insights from the expanded view afforded by linking can be regarded as a valuable and meaningful skill. This capacity is generally associated with certain kinds of creativity. It is the kind of thinking that makes metaphor possible and poetry beautiful and it is the way of thinking that brings connection and meaning to many different levels of life.
The facility for connecting or linking is also a fundamental part of thinking. Being able to observe the world around us and then to link what we see to inner unseen states within ourselves or others is also the foundation of empathy and compassion.
In therapy it is often apparent that patients may have blocked or remained blind to some aspect of experience which requires another perspective in order to make the links or connections necessary in order for continued growth to occur. The skill of the therapist is often closely associated with the ability to make links between the various different parts of the material the patient brings.
In the case of individuals who have grown up in an environment where the relationship with the primary caregiver/s was/were fraught or unstable or uncertain, this capacity can be over-developed. The kind of early relationship seen in cases presenting with anxious attachment involves a caregiver who, although capable of nurturing, sensitivity and insight, is typically and perhaps even traumatically unpredictable in the delivery of these resources.
In such a situation the child moves towards the caregiver in the hopes of receiving nurturing. Over time, however, he or she learns to remain vigilant and on guard in every interaction. This vigilance is necessary in order to sense where in the spectrum of possible moods the caregiver may be at the present moment.
It is this state of perpetual vigilance that is associated with the development of excessive linking. The mind is continually scanning for potential danger; "Is that facial tic a sign of temper?", "Does that tiny hand gesture mean she is calm today?" etc. Every aspect presented is evaluated in order to gauge threat or safety.
This continual scrutiny is the child's effort to gain a sense of desperately needed security and safety or control in a situation that is experienced as unstable and uncontrollable and possibly, traumatic.
As this same child grows into adulthood this capacity can translate into a great sensitivity towards the moods and feelings of others. But without the added awareness of the individual's separateness from the moods and shifts in moods of those around one, this sensitivity can also translate into a miserable enmeshment where the now adult-child remains constantly tied into the ups and downs of the new individuals he or she is now closest too.
Often these adult-children will seek out relationships where this perpetual inner vigilance can be fitted appropriately to the relationship. This might be seen in the case of living with a partner with a difficult disease or a mood disorder. More likely is the situation in which the anxious adult becomes involved with an addict or an abusive partner. The anxiety, vigilance and scrutiny of childhood now becomes harnessed to current relationships in which the anxious linking has fertile ground to make connections.
What happens, however, when the partner in these relationships actually becomes well, or when the anxious adult becomes involved with a reasonable healthy adult partner?
Here, the capacity for over-linking becomes apparent and it becomes destructive to the functioning of this individual. The individual is still constantly scanning and evaluating for threat. The mind is trained to link events to threat but now, in reality there is no real threat apparent.
Still the mind persists in making links that in the past would have been linked to reasonable threat. Previously, for example, an abusive partner might have made eye contact with every waitress, flirted and exchanged numbers secretly. The sudden flicker of eye contact, the gesture of a hand exchanging the number, all these tiny movements were noted and recorded by the scanning anxious partner with good reason.
But now the anxious partner scans and notes the current partner making eye contact with a waitress. A link is made. This eye contact is linked with clandestine flirtation. The anxious partner is instantly triggered into a state of high arousal associated historically with a fundamental threat to safety. The body is flooded with hormones in response to the noted threat.
The individual "knows" with a sickening sense of certainty that what is "seen" is "true": the partner made eye contact with the waitress. However, what was once a link to clandestine behaviour is now simply what it appears; the eye contact is only that. What was, in the former context, a reasonable link in an unreasonable scenario, is now no longer valid.
Now the partner is exposed to a seemingly impossible situation. Everything that previously he or she relied on in order to gain a sense of mastery is no longer valid. The links generated by a mind constantly scanning the environment for the next threat in an effort to prevent further danger from arising now actually themselves become the source of difficulty.
The partner is accused of jealousy and paranoia and he or she is left in a state of indignant confusion; "but I saw what I saw."
In these situations the individual has to learn to break down the process of linking and furthermore, to be made aware of the fact of the potential for over-linking.
This can be a lifetime management project but often for patients who have been made aware of this reality simply the relief in recognizing the existence of this over-developed capacity can bring a shift that leads to change.
The facility for connecting or linking is also a fundamental part of thinking. Being able to observe the world around us and then to link what we see to inner unseen states within ourselves or others is also the foundation of empathy and compassion.
In therapy it is often apparent that patients may have blocked or remained blind to some aspect of experience which requires another perspective in order to make the links or connections necessary in order for continued growth to occur. The skill of the therapist is often closely associated with the ability to make links between the various different parts of the material the patient brings.
In the case of individuals who have grown up in an environment where the relationship with the primary caregiver/s was/were fraught or unstable or uncertain, this capacity can be over-developed. The kind of early relationship seen in cases presenting with anxious attachment involves a caregiver who, although capable of nurturing, sensitivity and insight, is typically and perhaps even traumatically unpredictable in the delivery of these resources.
In such a situation the child moves towards the caregiver in the hopes of receiving nurturing. Over time, however, he or she learns to remain vigilant and on guard in every interaction. This vigilance is necessary in order to sense where in the spectrum of possible moods the caregiver may be at the present moment.
It is this state of perpetual vigilance that is associated with the development of excessive linking. The mind is continually scanning for potential danger; "Is that facial tic a sign of temper?", "Does that tiny hand gesture mean she is calm today?" etc. Every aspect presented is evaluated in order to gauge threat or safety.
This continual scrutiny is the child's effort to gain a sense of desperately needed security and safety or control in a situation that is experienced as unstable and uncontrollable and possibly, traumatic.
As this same child grows into adulthood this capacity can translate into a great sensitivity towards the moods and feelings of others. But without the added awareness of the individual's separateness from the moods and shifts in moods of those around one, this sensitivity can also translate into a miserable enmeshment where the now adult-child remains constantly tied into the ups and downs of the new individuals he or she is now closest too.
Often these adult-children will seek out relationships where this perpetual inner vigilance can be fitted appropriately to the relationship. This might be seen in the case of living with a partner with a difficult disease or a mood disorder. More likely is the situation in which the anxious adult becomes involved with an addict or an abusive partner. The anxiety, vigilance and scrutiny of childhood now becomes harnessed to current relationships in which the anxious linking has fertile ground to make connections.
What happens, however, when the partner in these relationships actually becomes well, or when the anxious adult becomes involved with a reasonable healthy adult partner?
Here, the capacity for over-linking becomes apparent and it becomes destructive to the functioning of this individual. The individual is still constantly scanning and evaluating for threat. The mind is trained to link events to threat but now, in reality there is no real threat apparent.
Still the mind persists in making links that in the past would have been linked to reasonable threat. Previously, for example, an abusive partner might have made eye contact with every waitress, flirted and exchanged numbers secretly. The sudden flicker of eye contact, the gesture of a hand exchanging the number, all these tiny movements were noted and recorded by the scanning anxious partner with good reason.
But now the anxious partner scans and notes the current partner making eye contact with a waitress. A link is made. This eye contact is linked with clandestine flirtation. The anxious partner is instantly triggered into a state of high arousal associated historically with a fundamental threat to safety. The body is flooded with hormones in response to the noted threat.
The individual "knows" with a sickening sense of certainty that what is "seen" is "true": the partner made eye contact with the waitress. However, what was once a link to clandestine behaviour is now simply what it appears; the eye contact is only that. What was, in the former context, a reasonable link in an unreasonable scenario, is now no longer valid.
Now the partner is exposed to a seemingly impossible situation. Everything that previously he or she relied on in order to gain a sense of mastery is no longer valid. The links generated by a mind constantly scanning the environment for the next threat in an effort to prevent further danger from arising now actually themselves become the source of difficulty.
The partner is accused of jealousy and paranoia and he or she is left in a state of indignant confusion; "but I saw what I saw."
In these situations the individual has to learn to break down the process of linking and furthermore, to be made aware of the fact of the potential for over-linking.
This can be a lifetime management project but often for patients who have been made aware of this reality simply the relief in recognizing the existence of this over-developed capacity can bring a shift that leads to change.
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